previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
And now you are staring down the army
known as the Ax of Mirabar.
I say we put our weapons down.
We can't fight an army, right?
You are shackled and they walk you
towards the brig area, the jail area in this building.
There is one dwarf who looks like he's pretty beaten up
and looks like he is sleeping.
Wakey wakey.
I am Osric Battlehammer.
I was a lieutenant in the Ax of Mirabar.
Why are you in jail?
There are some magic-y things going on
and those guards down there, they aren't good anymore.
And in walk, three more warriors
from the Ax of Mirabar.
And in unison, we are known as Tholonius Prinsby
and there is a power that's been creeping over the land.
And I plan on using you to figure out where it comes from.
Y'all, we gotta get outta here.
I'll go and Jimmy open that door.
Once you pull off the helmet,
you see his skin looks gray
and light black veins that run over his face.
Gross.
Oh no, is there some necromancy shit going on here?
Yeah, this doesn't sound good.
Osric reaches down and unlocks the door
and it appears that your weapons are in this room.
Huzzah!
We've solved the weapons puzzle.
As Flint, you run through,
there is a bright light that shines
as you pass through this door.
And Nubara and Thea, you see this light
as you pass through the door as well.
And you step out into a hall that doesn't look the same.
Portal, sweet.
I mean, not, it's definitely gonna be bad, but sweet.
Thea, you open the door
and in the center of this room,
there is a statue of the deity Loth.
As you step into the room,
three zombies begin shambling out from behind this statue,
groaning and making their way towards you.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More,
and with me today is Yanni McGonerson, Amy More.
Yeah.
And Carla Johnson.
Hey, I like the call out of Amy.
No one would know, it's just audio.
Tom and I didn't even know.
No idea.
Right?
I'm in the middle of a yawn.
Russ is like, here's my opportunity to see me first.
Really gonna zinger this time.
Yeah, and Tom Laird.
Hello.
How you guys doing?
Good.
Great.
That's good.
I'm gonna razz on you hard this time now
because you just opened up just guns a blazing.
Yeah, oh, absolutely.
It's on like Donkey Kong.
Remember the time before we were recording
when you guys still lived in Canada
and we were playing at your house
and Amy had that amazing potion
and you made her drop it.
I remember that time.
I don't remember this.
Oh, right.
Somebody wrote notes somewhere, there were swears.
There was notes during Canada.
You called her out for the yawn
and I just thought, remember that time,
like Russ is usually very nice to Amy,
but that time was so mean, it was so mean.
He's been making up for it ever since.
We even had a bit of a relationship spat after.
I'm like, why you gotta be such a dick?
That was a really harsh move.
Why would you do that to me?
It's just a game.
I'm like, is it?
Is it just a game?
It was a poor choice.
Apparently, I was having a bad day
and didn't want you guys
to just waltz through my dungeon.
It was very funny, but it wasn't really mean.
But it was very funny.
It's horribly mean.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you have to apologize again.
Thank you.
And now everyone will hear it.
True.
So you've got your map up there,
but yeah, you're in a room.
This whole dungeon is all very dimly lit with,
you could describe it like kind of Thea's fairy fire-esque,
which is like lit in like sconces on the wall,
very sparsely apart.
Is it lit in sconces?
It's lit in sconces.
All righty.
I just want to be grammatically accurate.
And in the room you're in now,
there is a statue in the center of the room
of a god named Loth.
She is the spider god of the Underdark.
Who is she?
And what is she, goddess of what?
Spiders and creepy crawlies?
Of the Underdark.
Of the Underworld, yeah.
So like, Drow and stuff?
You betcha.
All right.
Tom, you're such a nerd.
That's right.
I play video games.
Tom's been reading the dungeon master's guide.
Also, yes, I have the dungeon master guide
and the monster manual at my disposal, so.
Wonderful.
But yeah, there's that statue in the middle
with kind of like a fountain pool around it,
and there are three zombies in this room
shambling towards,
and they're the shambling type of zombies,
not the fast zombies.
So let's roll for initiative.
Not the 28 days later zombies.
17, my rolls are bitchin' right now, you guys.
Did you add your modifier?
18, thanks, Tom.
No problem, 15.
18, but that's with my modifier.
I don't know if that matters.
Between Amy and I, if we had the same thing,
because my roll was actually lower.
I just have a higher modifier.
Well, you still tie,
but rules dictate you guys decide who wants to go first.
Carla, how about you go first?
Okay, sure.
We really did that as a team, didn't we?
Yeah.
Solid effort, yeah.
All right, Nularaaaia, you're up first, then.
Is where we is in this map accurate?
Probably not.
Looks like Donnie and I are like,
see you later, idiots.
We're just teasing out.
He's trying to find a door.
Let's get out of here.
Well, you can move yourself to where you think you are.
The size of the room is to scale there,
so it should be like 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 by 50.
You guys should all be by the door running in at this point.
You can move to where you feel you can.
I grab the hilt of flame tongue, pull it out,
yell muy caliente, run towards this zombie.
My sword of flame looks really rad,
and I try to chop the zombie's head off.
Let's see how that goes.
All right.
I forget how modifiers work.
Bear with me.
Is that real?
Is flame tongue that good?
Oh yeah, your flame tongue's ridiculous.
You've not fought in a while?
I guess not.
Because we didn't actually have our real weapons
last time.
We were like fighting using the,
we were doing it Jackie Chan style
with whatever we could find in the room.
Yeah, if I remember correctly,
your flame tongue is like a plus nine bonus
or some shape.
Yeah, yeah, it looks like it is a plus.
Yeah, so that's a 19.
19 will do it, yeah.
Sweet.
Then that is 19 damage.
So that zombie loses his head
and falls to the ground there.
Sweet.
Nicely done.
Donnie is going to fly over the statue
as I'm worried this statue.
Don't you have two actions?
Oh yeah, I get to go again.
Yeah, you've lost your movement,
but I mean, if you can figure out
something else to do, then yeah.
Yeah, let's shoot a mofo and zombie.
I think I have a bow.
So I am going to turn
and Donnie's gonna move out of my way.
He's cool like that.
And, oh, I can't move.
No, you've moved 30 feet, so.
I'm gonna turn around
and I'm going to fire my arrow
at the zombie that looks like it's topless.
Sure, yeah.
That is a 15.
That zombie's somebody's daughter.
15 will hit, yeah.
Great.
That is a two damage.
Two.
Nice.
Two damage.
Okay.
Okay, so then Donnie, I'm concerned about Donnie,
no, I'm concerned about this statue
coming to life or doing something else bad.
I'm also a little worried about that.
So I would like to try to provoke that
rather than it coming as a surprise.
Sure.
So Donnie's gonna pee on that statue.
Do you want me to roll to pee?
What sort of check involves a roll to pee?
The nervous bladder check, obviously.
Yeah, solid.
No, he can just go and he pees on that.
Attack that with your golden stream, Donnie.
Your mighty stream.
He goes and pees on it
and nothing seems to happen with the statue.
Okay.
Maybe the statue was into that.
Oh man.
Then we go to Thea.
Well, I'm kind of like behind Flint here
so I'm just gonna go,
oh, I'm gonna go 10, 20, 30.
That's not how distance works.
Is it not?
No.
Okay, I'm just gonna go diagonal.
I'm just gonna run to the other end of a 50 foot room.
It'll be fine.
I'm just gonna go diagonal
just so I don't hit Flint.
Sure.
Because fire kills everything, we know this.
I'm going to flaming sphere this mofo.
So I conjure up a giant ball of fire
and throw it at not topless zombie.
So mod a zombie.
Just when you conjure it,
you conjure it in a specific place
and then your next move, you can move it.
So you can conjure it on a zombie.
I conjure it on top of the zombie.
I create this fireball around the zombie.
Zombie just goes, just.
So that's 3d6 fire damage.
11 damage.
And now it's a topless zombie
and they don't move very far.
Shuffle slightly to the left.
Slightly to the left.
Start moving towards Nulara,
but they don't quite make it.
And then it's Flint's turn.
All right.
Don't worry, the monsters get bigger in this dungeon.
Do they?
But are they slow?
Yeah, it looks like about 30 feet for me
to make it over to topless zombie.
Is it not?
Yeah, you should be okay.
Well, then I will high tail it over there
so it can't get the drop on Nulara.
And I will, as I'm running,
bring that two-handed ax over my head
and swing it on down.
Oh, sure.
You know, as one does.
That is an 18.
18 will do it.
Excellent.
It's a one, so I get to reroll that.
Woo-hoo!
Six, and eight's 14, and four is 18.
And that zombie is now dead.
And you went for the head, I believe.
I heard you say.
Oh, I was swinging the ax down.
So yeah, head's probably the most likely target.
For sure.
So yeah, you cleave the head of that zombie in two
and it falls to the ground.
In twain.
Now it's zombie three's turn.
You just wait until zombie three.
Correction, though,
because I have a second attack.
I thought that was your second attack.
Ah!
But I can't really move very far,
so it's gonna be a lame-ass hand ax, so.
Come on, big money!
That's actually a 21.
That's not bad.
21 will do it, yep.
And it's a 26, so two damage.
That zombie's still living.
Ah!
Sorry, guys, I tried. And now it's his turn.
And he's gonna move.
Wait for it.
Not quite far enough.
Hold on.
Oh no, he's back there.
Not quite far enough.
Balls.
It was still very exciting.
I stick my tongue out at him.
Give him the finger.
Nulara, your turn.
I'm taunting zombie's hand.
Oh, jeezers.
Oh, I can move again, but not.
I'll just arrow him.
All my weapons that aren't my good weapon
are the worst.
Oh, I know, mine all suck, too.
Note to self, just put a bunch of zombie's out of range.
I'll just roll this one D6 damage.
That'll get him.
But I guess I will arrow him again.
Sure.
Not again, because I haven't arrowed that one before.
That is probably not gonna do it, though,
because that is a 12.
12 will do it, yep.
Great.
And that is one of those.
Oh, that is eight damage.
That was the best roll I could get,
so it was very exciting.
That is exciting.
You did a fine job.
That is a 20, but only one damage this time.
Only one.
Rossella's so impressed.
Totally.
Well, one damage is enough to kill that zombie.
Oh, yay!
How'd you kill the zombie?
How'd you kill that zombie?
The first arrow went right into its eye.
And that was pretty demoralizing,
as well as painful and almost death-causing.
My second arrow, I was aiming for the other eye.
I was kind of showboating after that first amazing shot.
I missed, but it did hit his jugular.
Just started bleeding out his non-pumping zombie blood.
Then he died, and it was very sad,
except that it wasn't.
I imagined him falling forward,
and then the one that you got in his eye
actually ended up ramming right into his brain.
Oh!
Yep, I like that.
That happened.
Yep, that's how it happened.
And in that end, that's what happened.
That happened.
Amy wins the gruesome kill for the week.
All right, well you guys have defeated my zombie puzzle.
In this room is not much other than what you see there.
You've got the three dead zombies,
the statue of Loth,
and the fountain that surrounds the statue.
And then the door you came in,
which you have already deactivated the trap on that one,
and one other door to the south in the room there.
Well, let's go investigate this other door carefully,
since we know the other one was trapped.
Can I go, I've moved over there,
and I'm gonna do an investigation check.
I rolled a one, so.
Solid.
This is a door, you guys.
I basically just like trip and fall near the door.
It is a stuck iron door, it is.
Can I detect magic?
While they're investigating,
can I detect magic on the water
that is surrounding the, okay, I do that.
So you look at the fountain,
and as you are trying to detect magic,
a mirror-esque portal shows up.
And in the portal,
you see the face of an ebony-skinned,
white-haired drow, a dark elf.
Okay.
I should know that.
I'm an elf.
She just mouthed, what's that?
Awesome.
And he looks at you.
He's dressed kind of in like wizard's robes.
They're very fancy robes.
And he looks at you, and he says,
you adventurers have had quite the journey, haven't you?
Where is it you arrived here from?
Oh my gosh.
We're in a Monty Python skit.
Quick, someone else answer,
otherwise I'm gonna get catapulted.
Not gonna be good.
African or European?
Are we compelled to answer this person?
No, he's just having a conversation with you.
Why?
I don't like the look of him.
Yeah, why do you wanna know?
He says, you are the three who I need
in order to get the power
that has been sweeping across Faerun.
Oh, this fucking guy.
That was a game, right?
Oh yeah, 100%.
Sorry, this fucking guy.
And I must need to know how to get
to where you came from
and what it is that happens there.
And what makes you think we're going to tell you?
Well, you're never going to get out of the dungeon
without telling me.
I've heard that one before.
As I said, you will remain in this dungeon
until I get the answers from you that I require.
I pick up a stone from across the room
and throw it into the pool of water,
thus creating a ripple effect.
The portal is very ripply now.
Your face looks stupid now.
You're free to carry on.
If you wish to get out and tell me what it is you know,
I will open the door and you will be free.
And why would we believe you at all?
You just have to go on good faith.
But know that the entire army of Mirabar
is marching back towards Mirabar.
And when they arrive here,
they will all become under my control.
So what do you need us for?
You seem to have a lot of power as it is.
I need to know where to get the train.
The what now?
We took a train at some point, remember?
And we don't remember taking the train.
You guys fucking never remember the train.
No, and every time it comes up,
we're all like, train, what?
That was in like our one-shotter, right?
And how you got to water deep
at the beginning of this art.
Yeah, but we weren't recording it,
so did it really happen?
You did record it.
Oh, really?
That was gonna be my excuse too.
Shut the front door.
I'm gonna go back and have to listen to episode two.
Well, joke's on you
because we have short-term memory loss
and can't even remember being on that train.
So looks like you should probably just let us go.
Sucks to suck.
We don't have any info for you.
As you wish.
And the portal disappears.
That guy, right guys?
That guy.
Fucking that guy.
Hate that guy.
What'd you figure out about this door, Nulara?
It's a door.
You guys wanna take a look or?
Pretty sure she just tripped into it.
Yeah, I basically,
I looked at the ground kind of right in front of it
and we're basically in a dungeon and this is a door.
You guys wanna take a look?
Yeah, no, I'll make a,
what is it, an investigation check?
Would a perception check do me just as well?
I've got plus eight on that,
so good thing.
17.
You don't, you don't see anything wrong with the door.
No, detect magic is still going on.
Am I, do I feel like there's anything?
No?
There doesn't appear to be any magic on this door.
Have we tried opening the door, you guys?
Nope, haven't tried yet.
We were worried about a trap.
Nope, not yet.
I try to open the door.
It is locked.
I use my thieves tools to unlock them.
12.
The door unlocks and opens into another
poorly lit hallway.
You look out into the hall and it appears empty.
Thea doesn't wanna go first.
Thea only has 21 hit points left.
Thea needs to look out for number one.
Oh, yeah, that's fair.
I'll go first.
You're so brave, New Mara.
You turn left out of the fountain room
that you were just in
and begin to walk down a long, narrow path.
It's dark and dank
and smells of rot and decay.
Quickly, though, you come to a choice.
You can turn left or you can continue straight ahead.
Like, my inclination is straight
because that seems like it must be kind of the perimeter
or like closer to the perimeter than heading internal.
Like, I feel like...
Like you don't wanna go to the belly of the beast.
Yeah, but if we're underground,
maybe we wanna be in the belly of the beast
because that's where the exits will actually be.
Are we legit in a dungeon?
Like, are we underground?
Or are we just, I can't remember from last time.
Are we on like the main floor of the jail building?
We got like transported somewhere.
Yeah, you were teleported somewhere else.
So you are unsure and there are no windows
to tell you if you are a bucket bloke.
Oh, right.
So what do you guys think?
Like, my inclination is perimeter,
but I'm cool to go interior as well.
Wherever we go, we're gonna have to fight some shit, so.
No, perimeter's cool.
Let's go forward.
Let's just keep, okay?
Charge along.
I'm gonna keep moving my person
because it makes me feel like I'm playing a game.
Like, you know, like Monopoly or something.
That's fun.
Your party continues straight,
hopefully sticking to the perimeter of the dungeon.
You're uncertain how much time is actually passing
as you walk through these winding corridors.
But after some time, you come to another intersection
where you can turn left again
or continue into a seemingly dead end.
Left it is.
Weird and suspicious.
Do we wanna go like make sure there's nothing?
Why would it dead end?
Go check it out, Nulara.
Going to.
I go down there and I do an investigation check.
I forgot that I could add bonuses to that.
Last time I rolled a one,
so it didn't matter.
Now I'm gonna do a perception check,
which was a nat 20 plus six.
So I hope it's something great.
It's a dead end.
It is just a dead end.
You wasted the best roll.
It's a bare stone wall.
You go down that little corridor
and you see there is a writing in blood on the wall.
What languages do you speak?
So many.
Let me find it.
Pretty much all of them.
I would say the chamber of secrets is open.
Mudbloods beware.
In the castle of ah.
I speak common goblin, orcish, giant draconic.
My girl Thea speaks some others as well.
It looks to be elvish writing.
I could go over there.
It merely says praise Loth, the spider queen.
And that's all you see.
And that's all I can see?
In that little dead end hall, yep.
I don't know, my dudes.
That was like the best roll I could possibly have.
So I guess there's nothing there.
You backtrack out of this dead end area
and you take the left turn to carry out into the maze.
It doesn't seem to take very long
till you are offered another choice
of two separate left turns deeper into the maze.
But as you reach this end of this hallway
in the corner, you start to see shapes take form
and you see withered corpses
which are nailed to the corridor walls.
Gross.
Do you see what kind of like race or?
They appear to be human.
Gross.
So this seems like a lovely place.
Can I do a perception check?
I got 20.
They appear to be withered corpses.
Nailed to the corridor walls.
Looking for more than Russ is willing to give here.
So wait, are our perception checks
just gonna be Russ repeating the same thing but slower?
It might be.
Don't talk to me like that, you stupid.
There are two halls to your left.
There's the first one
that does not have withered corpses in front of it
and there is one that does have withered corpses
in front of it.
Part of me is like,
let's go down the withered corpse one
cause I kinda wanna see what's happening over here.
I feel like it's probably a better idea
to go where the corpses are
even though it's super gross
because it seems like they're trying
to keep us out of there more.
I agree.
All right.
Flint, you've been awfully quiet.
I said sure.
You take the second left down this hall
and you file past these corpses.
Cautiously.
Cautiously, of course.
I don't mind making corpses
but I don't wanna touch other people's corpses.
You make it past them and nothing appears to happen
as you go past them.
You continue walking down this hallway
and it takes you through a winding path.
You come to another intersection.
So they're straight ahead of you.
Appears to be a dead end.
And to your left,
it also appears to be a dead end.
Okay.
The one straight ahead is closer
so I'm gonna walk up there
and do a perception check
which was a 15.
You see on the left wall there,
you see a false stone wall
that if you prod at a little bit,
it pulls out and towards the corner
and it reveals an unlocked wooden door.
Good catch.
I kinda can't believe he just was like,
just pry it away and there's the door.
Too good to be true or too good to pass up.
What do you guys think?
Too good to pass up.
Okay.
So it opens into a room
and you step down from the door
which is raised a little bit on a small stone ledge
and in the room,
there is a mosaic of legendary monsters on the wall
and someone has scrawled a large X on the west wall
and a buzzing noise can be heard
in the west side of the room.
I turn toward the buzzing noise.
What is that?
Do you guys hear that?
I think my tinnitus is acting up.
Ha ha ha ha.
I forgot all of under tinnitus.
Well, are we having like a group tinnitus?
Oh, you guys hear that too then.
It's not just me this time.
No, I hear it too.
Where's that coming from?
You wanna make perception or investigation checks
as you go through the room?
Sure do.
Well, that doesn't get me much.
15.
21.
Boom.
13.
You begin looking through the room
and as you begin to walk near the X,
the buzzing noise becomes very loud
and as you kind of look through these,
this mosaic of monsters,
it appears that they are actually protruding from the wall.
Flint, as you are looking over this mosaic
and you see that it's actually coming out of the wall,
you are swiped at
by a dragon-esque looking statue
and it and three others come to life
and are all climbing out of this wall.
They appear to be stone gargoyle type dragon creatures.
Bring it.
Let's roll for initiative.
There's four total.
Four total.
I got five.
Solid, 16.
16.
Oh, roll off.
Seven.
Six.
Flint, you are up first.
Are they all surrounding me?
What's the deal here?
They are presently climbing from the wall
so they're all coming towards you.
I see me with back up.
Like, ugh.
Okay, yeah.
They haven't got out of the wall yet then.
Yeah.
Yeah, I will grab my axe
and go take a swing at the first one
that I come across that's climbing out of the wall.
So I guess the one on the right,
that is a 17.
17 will hit.
Excellent.
That is a nine and another nine.
So that's 18 and four is 22 damage in my first attack.
Ooh, nice one.
11 of that damage.
Bullshit.
Well then.
All right, well I will step up for a second attack
at that very same dragon that I just attacked.
For sure.
So that is a 25.
Yep.
Nine again.
This is okay, two nines again.
This is very weird.
So that's another 22 damage.
And it will take 11 of that.
Honest question here.
Should I go to the casino
because I just rolled four nines in a row?
I think that's a good next stop.
Yeah.
Okay, perfect.
You might've used it up.
Ooh, all right.
Well, we'll see how the rest of the encounter goes.
And that's the room where Flint died.
Definitely going to the casino if that happens.
Yeah.
And then it's Thea's turn.
Now hitting them, they obviously have an advantage
because they're made of stone.
So I wonder if I can just do thunder wave.
Let me just make sure
that's not going to devastate everybody.
I run forward.
Sure.
Now who is within a 15 foot radius of me?
Flint.
And.
I can take it, don't worry about it.
The three gargoyles that you're presently
in the center of.
You want to take it?
Sure.
It's 3d8 damage.
Yeah, I'm good, don't worry about it.
Okay, because that means I can hit all three of those.
So a wave of thunderous force sweeps out from me.
Each creature in a 15 foot cube originating from me
must make a constitution saving throw.
Oh, constitution's the best one.
Good.
So 23 on my save.
Ooh, nice, you take half damage.
The one to your right rolls a 20.
One in front of you rolls a 20.
And the one to your left rolls a 19.
Okay, so they all save so they get half damage.
And what type of damage is it?
This is thunder damage.
You guys get to take three damage each.
Yay, that wasn't worth it.
Did you roll a one on every roll?
You get to also take half that damage?
Nope.
No, I rolled really shitty rolls.
The gargoyle on the end's turn.
So he's on the far left of the room
and it runs towards the X on the wall
and begins throwing itself at the wall.
I have a feeling like that's an exit.
Thanks for that.
I liked it.
And hits it twice.
I have a feeling like we shouldn't let them out.
That wall begins to crack and crumble
and the buzzing inside gets louder.
Oh, nevermind.
He's trying to unleash the bees.
Now, Thea, the gargoyle to your left.
Yeah, I put myself in a really bad position
for not much payout right now.
Goes to bite and claw at you.
And misses completely with all those dice
that you're rolling.
The bite is a 10.
That one's gonna miss.
And the claw is a four.
No, eight.
That also misses.
Also misses.
So you're very elusive
in the middle of all these gargoyles.
I am.
And Laura, it's your turn.
I'm doing matrix style stuff to get away from them.
I wish I had some amazing spell to use
to try to stop the wall,
but I just looked and I got nothing.
So it's just gonna have to be brute force
on this dude that looks like a bearskin rug.
That's a bearskin rug looking dude.
Oh, nat 20.
Ooh, yay.
Boom.
And you're swinging with your sword, yes?
Yes.
With her on fire sword.
Yes. It's true.
Yeah.
So it is like slicing damage,
whatever a sword normally is,
and flame damage.
I don't know if that's gonna matter to you,
but I roll those separately.
Does it matter to you?
Yeah, cause he's gonna take full damage
off your fire magic damage,
but only half on your sword damage.
Okay.
And because I got a 20,
does that mean I roll twice?
Everything doubles.
So sword damage first is a six and a 10.
So 16.
So he gets eight and then two D six.
So it'll be four D six.
So 13 fire damage.
Okay.
Second attack, same thing.
I'm gonna roll a 20 again.
Get ready for it.
It's gonna be eight.
I'm ready.
I didn't, but it's an 18.
18 will still hit.
Okay.
So that is a one with the sword damage,
which I guess rounds to zero.
You remember, I think you have to round up for that.
I would assume in that case,
you would still be one damage.
Great.
And then a 10 fire.
It's 11 damage.
Nicely done.
Donnie, I guess we'll try to like sting him,
but that's piercing damage.
So probably won't work.
And it certainly won't work with that six.
Okay.
And now it is the gargoyle in front of you there, Thea.
Strikes out.
You know, there was a point when I told you,
you should probably hang back.
I know, but this spell,
I need it to be closer to them.
And I didn't think that fire would damage the stone.
But now that I know that Nulara's flame hurt them,
I will make better choices in the future.
Bite is a 15.
Bite doesn't work.
What's your AC?
None of your goddamn business.
I got new, oh.
You didn't get your new armor yet.
No, we haven't gone to pick it up yet.
Okay.
And the claw is a 15.
Well, then I guess I get bite it and clawed it.
So that is nine damage.
And then it's the fourth one.
And he's going to go for flint
because he feels bad for Thea, obviously.
Dude, guys, I'm down to 12.
Dude, guys.
And you can do a bonus action
and take a healing thing, right?
Oh yeah, we totally have those bonus healing actions.
I will, I will do that.
Flint, the one right in front of you there
is going to bite and claw at you.
And the bite is a 22.
Well, that hits.
The claw is only a six.
Is he bad?
Yeah, suck it, claw.
So you're gonna take five bite piercing damage.
Okay.
And it's back to you, Flint.
How's this gargoyle dragon thing looking?
Can I tell if it's hurt or not?
It's a little crumbly around the edges.
All right.
Well, in that case,
I'm going to run over to the other one
that's attacking the wall
and try and beat it up a little bit.
Damn it, three of them are at me now.
It's all right, I'm still close to the other one.
So that is an 18.
That should be all right.
Yep.
So that's 14 damage on that attack.
So I guess seven.
And how's this dragon-y thing looking?
He's looking less good than all the other ones.
Ooh, critical on a 19, excellent.
Means extra rolls for this guy.
So that's 33 points worth of damage
plus four and eight for my bonuses.
So 41, so 20 damage.
Dead one.
Criticals are nice.
Is he still standing?
He is still standing.
Okay, I'm going to take my action surge
and attack him again.
Sure.
And I just rolled another critical,
but this time on a 20.
Nice.
Guys, I seriously need to go buy a lottery ticket
or something.
All right, pause the podcast.
I'll be back shortly.
We can deal with it.
I don't think I'm in time for the lotto max draw,
though.
And six is 32 plus eight is 40,
so 20 damage again.
Yeah, so that gargoyle crumbles
in a pile of dust to the ground.
Oh, I missed it.
Oh, God.
Yeah, he killed the gargoyle beating on the wall.
Good for you, Flint.
I wiped a bum.
Hey, we both had victories, too.
That's all that matters.
Thea, it's your turn.
Oh, good.
Okay, I'm going to choose something with a higher.
Also, feel free to run away from them.
Oh, yes, I do plan on running away.
Can I do my hit dice?
You can stack it in any order you want to.
Okay, well, I'm going to do that,
just because I will forget at the end.
You may roll one hit die.
I will.
D8?
I hope that's what it says.
I'm predicting a two.
It's one more than you had before.
Solid.
Okay, so I will back the truck up here.
I can go 15.
How many?
30.
10, 20.
I'm just going to go right behind Donnie.
Or on top of him, as it were.
Yes, okay.
Moonbeam, I'm going to use on my third spell slot.
So it's 3D10 Radiant Damage.
It's a five foot radius, a 40 foot high cylinder.
Okay, centered on what point?
I would like it centered on this guy.
The middle guy.
The middle gargoyle.
I'm going to center my moonbeam.
And a silvery beam of pale light shines down
and the creature engulfs in ghostly flames
that cause searing pain
and it must make a constitution saving throw.
15.
It's not good.
Then give me some damage.
All right, 3D10.
Nice.
I'm going to roll all ones.
Nine.
Nine searing damage.
God damn it.
It is the gargoyle nearest you, Flint,
makes a move to run towards the X on the wall.
Geez.
And is going to ram itself at the wall.
Do they take any damage for ramming themselves at a wall?
You don't know.
Good question.
I certainly hope they don't.
Is enough to knock in the wall.
And as it punches through the wall,
the wall crumbles and out pour four 10 foot wide,
hairy, huge spiders,
nimbly moving into the room,
agitated by the sudden sight of you
and the chaos around you.
Four giant wasps,
about the size of halflings,
zip quickly past your heads,
getting a lay of the room.
Two narrowly missing Thea's moonbeam
as they spin, readying their attacks.
It's getting a bit crowded in here.
Well, hello, hello, hello.
It's me, your dungeon master, Russ More.
It's been forever.
No, it's only been a week.
It's great.
It's nice to see you so soon.
Thank you for listening to episode 14
of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
this one titled The Undeadly Dungeon.
And we are down deep in the dungeon this week.
And it's a very exciting episode
because June 1st, all four of us
are going to be on episode 32 of Brozen Dragons,
another fantastic D&D podcast.
You've heard me talking about them for a little while now
and we finally arranged it
and got together with their guys and ours
for a great session.
And it turned out to be a super fun game
and it's going to be a excellent episode.
You just need to stay locked here
and then click over for episode 32,
comes out June 1st.
And if you like their style,
as you find out what happens next
with Flint, Thea, and Nulara,
give them a subscribe.
I think you're really gonna enjoy
what they're putting out there.
A little more cinematic in flavor
than what we've got going on over here,
but both equally fantastic.
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anywhere where there's that sweet Apple software,
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That's it for me for now.
The next part of Flint, Thea and Nularaaa's journey
after this episode will be available June 1st
on episode 32 of Bros and Dragons.
Make sure you go check that episode and those guys out,
not only to find out what happens with our guys,
because whatever we cover in the story there
is likely going to make its way into our next episode,
which is going to cause some pretty cool
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So you wanna make sure you check that out,
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on June 14th with episode 14.
Let's dive back into the dungeon.
We'll be chatting with you soon.
It is Nularaaa's turn.
Man, I sure wish I had some kind of dope thing.
I could do that didn't require me
to get all up close to them.
Okay, I'm just going to fucking sword some mofos.
So I am going to this spider right by where I am.
I'm gonna stab him.
I'm gonna try and separate his head from his thorax.
Yeah, good science term.
Very proud of you.
Thank you.
That is a 19.
19 will hit.
Okay, that is a nine plus six is 15, 22 damage.
Unless I have to half some of that,
but probably I don't because it's a spider.
It's a spider.
It takes full damage and anything.
Your fire should be even more impressive.
22 is enough to kill that spider.
Yeah, that's what I was hoping
that they're just big.
Head separated from thorax.
Okay, now I'm gonna turn.
Is this wasp just like hovering by me?
What's he doing?
Yeah, well, he's moving towards you,
but he's just in the vicinity at this point.
He's just getting the lay of the land right now.
He just came into the room.
He's like, what's going on, guys?
What's going on is he's about to get stabbed
with a flaming sword with 18.
Does that hit?
18 will hit the wasp, yes.
Great, great.
Good, good roll.
Four plus five is nine damage to that wasp.
That wasp is still living.
Donny's gonna come try and bite him.
He got a 13.
13 AC is enough to hit, yep.
Great.
Then he gives him three damage
and he has to do a constitution saving throw.
To not be paralyzed?
That's a four.
Great, paralyzed.
Donny, you did it.
It's never happened before, I don't think.
I think it's literally never happened.
I think it happened like one time.
It was like time number two.
Either way, it's hella impressive.
It's pretty good because Donny's real little.
He just like flew up to a wasp that's like,
I don't know, 10 times the size.
More than that, that's a terrible exaggeration.
20 times the size of him, amazing.
Cool, cool.
Now it is the gargoyle's turn.
Oh, right, there's the gargoyle.
One centered on the moon beam
is going to go towards Flint.
He's running up behind you there, Flint,
and he's gonna bite and claw at ya.
So we got a, it's probably not gonna be good.
17 on the bite, 15 on the claw.
Yeah, then the bite will hit me there.
Eight piercing damage.
The other one's gonna do the same thing.
Come up at ya up there, Flint,
and that's a 22 on the bite, 21 on the claw.
Unfortunately, I just got a 22 AC,
so I don't think either one of them did.
Did I hit you with a 17?
Yeah, really?
Yeah, but it just happened, like just right now.
We're in Dungeon and Dragons.
Anything can happen.
It's pretty impressive stuff.
I thought for sure he was being serious.
Me too, I know, which is so dumb,
because he, yeah, just got hit on his 17.
That's 13 damage there, Flint.
Pretty sure some sort of toughness thing
kicked in for me.
It was an adrenaline kick.
Surrounded by all these bugs and gargoyle.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
Nope, that's a lie.
Flint, it's your turn.
Nine, 13.
13, I think you said?
I was just gonna blow right at that.
Yeah, I got it.
Okay, and now it is all these spiders and wasps' turn.
Hooray.
Spider nearest the top of the room
is coming at you, Flint.
Spider nearest you, Nularaaa, is coming at you,
and spider.
Flint, they are so all over you.
There's like three creatures on your team.
Spider nearest Thea is coming at Thea.
Bring it.
What do spiders get to do?
Probably fall over dead.
Whatever a spider can.
I think like go up and down a water spout
if my understanding is correct.
Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
So Flint, you are gonna get bit by the spider.
Maybe.
That is a 21.
So you will take one D8 plus three piercing damage.
You're gonna take six piercing damage,
and you must make a constitution saving throw.
Ooh, that's a good one, Kari.
Don't get paralyzed, Flint, come on.
That is a 24.
Okay, so you save,
but you still take two D8 poison damage halved.
Okay.
You're gonna take five poison damage.
Can you just get Amy to roll the damages
for the dice this time?
She's been rolling a lot of ones, so.
Yeah, it has been a day of one.
I mean, I think that's only fair for all of us.
I mean, that makes sense.
And then the one coming at you, Nularaaa,
is going to bite you as well.
Maybe.
Well, seven against your AC, I don't think that's.
That will not do it.
And then the last spider in the room
is going to shoot its web at you, Fia.
Oh my God, no it won't.
It's a nine, it's a nine.
So you're fine, it just kind of shoots its web
out into the ether.
And then the wasps.
Okay, so we got.
At least there's only three wasps.
Flint, the one that's coming at you
is going to be a 19 against your AC.
Yep.
And you are going to take one D six plus two piercing
for a sting, which is six,
and also make a constitution saving throw.
Oh my God, so many constitutions saved.
Whoa, nat 20.
All right, well you save against that,
but you still take half damage on three D six.
That's 11, so you take five more poison damage.
I think if you crit on a save,
you shouldn't take any damage.
You would think.
So the one at Fia, that's 22 against your AC.
That does it.
So roll a constitution.
But like just barely, right?
Yeah.
14.
Okay, so you save,
but you're going to take three stinging,
piercing damage, three poison damage.
Guys, I'm down to seven hit points.
And then the final one at Nulara there,
that's a 16 against your AC.
Not a hit.
And that is back to Flint.
Flint murder sings.
All right, murder express coming right up.
Take a look at that spider that bit at me,
because he seems like a real dick.
See, I'm going to go for some sort of nice
like uppercut swing with my axe
to like get them right under the mouth.
I like it.
That is a 17.
17.
Excellent.
13 damage on that one.
Flint, you swing your axe up
and into the under jaw of this spider
and blood sprays up into the air,
but it appears to miss the important parts.
And I guess since he's still alive,
we'll go for round two.
So 23 on that one.
Eight.
And four is 12 and four is 16.
And on your rebound swing,
you come down into the body of this spider.
And with a sickening crunch,
this spider is dead.
Excellent.
And I'm going to use one of my
instant hit dice heals here,
because I think I might need it.
And six.
Ooh, that's nice.
Oh, wait, I rolled the wrong dice.
Hold on.
Going to do it again.
So you roll a D20?
No, I rolled a D8,
but I actually have a D10 for my hit dice.
And it was an eight.
That's even better.
You are having some pretty bitchin' rolls tonight,
my friend.
I'm solid rolls so far.
Yeah.
Holy man.
Thea, it's your turn.
Here's my question.
Can I drag my moonbeam?
Like when I,
so does it have to rest on a final destination?
It says anything that flies in its path
or gets caught in its path.
As you move it,
you just tell me,
you just plot the course
up to however far you can move it.
How far can I move it?
Moonbeam.
I like this moonbeam song.
No, it's a hit sweeping the nation.
Sounds like a David Bowie tune.
You can move the beam 60 feet in any direction.
Okay, so here's what I'm thinking.
I can go 10, 20, 30.
Yeah.
40, 50, and get that guy.
Sure.
And hit three of them.
Okay, so who gets hit first?
Okay, this gargoyle motherfucker right here.
So you begin to move your moonbeam through the room
and the gargoyle constitution,
that's a 10.
Not good for the gargoyle.
So the gargoyle will take full damage.
We'll just do all the constitution rolls.
And then the second one is a 21.
That's safe.
So he only gets half.
Then the spider is 13.
Not good enough.
And the final wasp is an 11.
So only one gargoyle takes half.
Everybody else I think takes full.
Cool.
I get 3D10.
Make sure you keep track of your spell slots.
Yeah.
15, damage.
Thea, you command your moonbeam
to carve its way through this room
through two of the gargoyles
over top of one of the spiders
and dropping a wasp dead to the floor.
All the while the gargoyles and the spider
and the wasp screaming out
as they take this moon driven radiant damage.
Nice.
There you go. I killed something you guys.
You know how long it's been?
That was kind of amazing.
I feel like with moonbeam,
you haven't done this before.
Like you've moved it just to like one other thing
instead of flying it around
and getting a whole bunch of things.
And it's dope as hell.
Yeah.
Amy, you should also take a healing surge.
Oh yes. Thank you very much.
Since your turn's not over yet.
No, it's not.
Four.
Yeah.
Then it is...
Who put all these monsters in here?
Some jackass.
Monsters are all last though.
No, the gargoyles go next.
So the gargoyle that broke open the wall
is going to go for Nularaaaa.
The bite Nularaaaa is a 13.
The claw is a 23.
So the 13 does not hit, but the 21 does obviously.
So you will take eight slashing damage.
Now Nularaaaa, it's your turn.
And presently engaged in direct combat with you
is the gargoyle who smashed in the wall
and released the wasps and spiders.
And as well, one of these spiders
is within striking distance.
Things look real bad for me right now.
Just position wise.
I will go for
the spider first.
It's a good choice.
Because his turn will come next
and he will be able to hurt me again
before I get another turn.
True.
So I'm going to do my patented
spider head removal technique.
Which I will probably fail at
because that is a 15.
That will hit.
Woo.
Oh, great.
These spiders don't have armor.
Wonderful.
It is really big.
I guess.
Math is hard with very small numbers is nine damage.
Your first strike swings down hard into the spider
and burns its way into its flesh,
but it's still living.
Okay.
So my sword got halfway through his neck.
I pull it out and try again.
That one's better.
That's a 22.
And that is 15 damage.
On your second swing,
you hit the same spot and cleave through the spider
and it falls dead to the ground.
Okay.
Donnie, he's my boy,
is going to try and bite the wasp
that is sort of behind me.
Sure.
But that is a seven.
So that probably will not do it.
That doesn't do it.
And now it is the gargoyles on Flint's turn.
Hooray.
Only one right in front of you there.
Flint is going to bite for a 13, 17 for the claw.
So 17 slashing for the claw.
It does not hit because I get a bonus
on my slashing resistance.
And then the other guy,
that's an eight for the bite, 13 for the claw.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
So you evaded that one,
but it is the spider's turn.
He's going to try to recharge his web,
which he does not do.
So he moves to get the 13 against Tracy.
If he gets me, he doesn't.
He does not.
Wasp's turn.
One wasp on Flint there.
Oh, that's a six.
Jeez, Amy, I said damage rolls, not attack rolls.
The wasp on Carla, however, gets a natural 20.
Oh, boy.
Yeesh.
Make a constitution saving throw there, new law.
Okay, that is 19.
19 will save.
So you take four piercing damage
and then half of 3D6 acid.
Oh my God, his rolls are so good, you guys.
14, so you take seven damage.
I rolled 3D6.
It would be like a four.
Okay, so that's wasp, wasp, spider, Flint.
Seems like a really weird playground game.
Totally.
All right, I'm going to turn around
and go for that wasp that's been haranguing me.
And I will attempt to cleave it in twain
because, well, it's a wasp and I have a really big ax.
Sure.
So whatever, that's a 15.
Hopefully that hits.
15 will hit him, yep.
Excellent.
25 damage on the wasp.
You take a full swing as this wasp is flying towards you
and you catch it square with the blade of your ax.
Thea Nularaaaa, you were watching from the side
as it looks like Flint misses,
but really his slice goes through
with just that much ease,
which becomes apparent when the two pieces
fall to the ground.
Success.
Now there's two gargoyles around me.
Which is the one that is hurt?
I think it's the one that's to my left
with the way I'm currently facing.
Both have taken damage.
The one behind you has taken more damage.
Okay, well I'll go for that one then
because why not try and hit him when he's down?
That is a 18.
18 is good, yep.
Excellent.
All right.
Ooh, three and three is six and four is 10.
So five damage because he takes half.
And as if taking a full rotation,
you carry your second swing from the wasp
around and into the gargoyle behind you
who seems merely nicked by your blow.
And that's it for me.
Oh wait, should I use it?
Yeah, I should use another healing surge while I'm here.
Seven.
Okay, and Thea.
All right, I'm gonna back up
because I don't need to be anywhere near
when I'm doing my stuff.
I'm gonna take a hit die.
Nice, rolled a two.
Excellent.
It's real solid.
Every little bit counts.
And I'm going to move my moonbeam diagonally this way.
And I move it back through.
Yeah, back through the spider, the two gargoyles.
So that's like, how many feet is that?
25 to get through all of them.
25 and then 30 to get through all of them.
Can I make it back to this guy?
You wanna move through them twice?
Is that what you're saying?
Can I?
Suppose so.
You can move it up to 60 feet.
I'll move it back and forward
and just rain down on the ground.
The spider and the first gargoyle you come to,
you'd hit twice.
The second gargoyle, you'd only hit once.
It would stop there and then come back.
Okay, so I'd end up dealing out five bits of damage.
I'll do that.
I would like that.
I think that's how that would work.
Okay, Constitution saving throw for the spider.
This is a plus seven bonus, no good.
Gargoyle number one there, 18.
Ooh, yes.
Gargoyle two, 20.
Yes.
Gargoyle coming back, six.
Negative.
And a 20 for the spider.
Spider's gonna be dead anyway, it doesn't matter.
Okay, so roll your damage.
Okay.
21.
Yay.
You did it.
I did it.
A lot of them only take half, though.
All three are dead.
Oh, whoa.
So you move this moon beam through this mass of monsters
and you incinerate the spider on when it comes back
and each of the gargoyles dry up
and crumble under the power of the moon beam.
I flick my blue hair back and like look at Flynn
and go, I got your back, buddy.
That was some solid work.
Yeah, that was, that was dope.
Well, I haven't really been pulling away.
It's been rolling a lot of shitty stuff.
Felt good, felt good to contribute.
New Laura, your turn.
I am going to go for the wasp that is near me.
That is a, why is math so hard?
Does 14 hit a wasp?
It does.
Great.
15 damage.
New Laura, as the gargoyles and spiders
go up in smoke from Thea's moon beam,
you swing flame tongue,
which is blazing so bright in this dungeon room,
through this final flying wasp.
Sweet.
Then I pivot back to the gargoyle.
That is a 20.
20 will do her.
And, oh great.
Oh my God.
Six damage.
A one and then a one on those rolls were really,
really hot.
Donny's going to try and help me out though.
He got a six.
He was not able to help me out.
Yeah, for sure.
But I mean, he is rude for you.
That gargoyle's turn
and he's going to take a bite and a claw at you there.
Well, he's going to try.
A 13 on the bite and a 13 on the claw.
He did not do it.
And now guess what guys, we're back to Flint.
Whoa, that was so much faster this time.
Yeah, once Thea killed all the bad guys.
That's a 14.
Yay, nay?
Nay.
Oh, boo.
A boo.
All right, well that is a 17.
So that should do the job quite nicely.
And I think he's quite low on health.
So I'm going to take some.
He's running low.
Some sort of crazy leaping swing at him with my axe
right on his neck.
Just to see if I can.
Sure.
You know, make him crumble the dust real quick.
That is a one.
So I get to reroll that.
So far not great.
All right, four and 10 is 14 and four is 18.
So nine damage went halved.
And that with your leaping jump
crumbles the final gargoyle in the room.
All that remains is one paralyze wasp.
Thea very like flipping and dismissively
moves my moonbeam over.
What was that?
A six, a six and a six.
Devil.
Well, it had one hit point.
So you.
Oh, that's a nine.
A six, six and a nine.
Yeah, you definitely just obliterated
that paralyzed one hit point wasp.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
You are now standing in a dust and blood covered room,
catching your breath while waiting to carry on
to see what comes next in this undeadly dungeon.
When you hear another buzz,
this buzz more tinny and mechanical in nature though.
You look around the room and you turn to face the wall
where the gargoyles were once perched
and you see as if lightning were forming
and appearing in front of you, a blue oar.
This orb opens to almost a doorway
and out steps the short box like figure
of your friend from the Guild of the Nine Shadows.
Tibby.
You guys ready to blow this pop stand or what?
What the hell are you doing here, Tibby?
Well, we've been tracking you for a while
then you kind of disappeared.
So we figured you were in a little bit of trouble.
Look around at all the dead bugs.
And we were right.
You were right.
Get the fuck out of here then.
Yeah, where are you taking us, Tibby?
Oh, we're just gonna go back to the Guild
and just see what happens, you know?
We got this new portal magic thing.
Works real nice.
Real nice so far.
Sweet.
Awesome, let's do it.
It's been nice.
The best portal ever.
It's the best portal.
It's magnificent.
It's incredible.
Incredible portal.
Nobody makes portals like I do.
They don't have portals like this in China.
Sorry.
I feel like this portal's set up to fail.
Kind of overselling this portal.
I thought I could do a good Trump.
That was good.
Can't compare Tibby to Trump, come on.
No.
As you step into the portal,
you feel relief wash over you.
You regain health and your wounds close.
You feel re-energized as you're surrounded
by this blue light and then as quick as it began,
it ends and you are standing in a field
surrounded by four dragonborn,
staring at you, mouth agape,
having just seen you appear from nothing.
You look around and you quickly realize
that you are no longer in Faerun.
To find out what happens next,
head over to Bros and Dragons
for episode 32 on June 1st, 2017.
Dumbgeons and Dragons will be back
as scheduled on June 14th at dumdragons.com,
on iTunes or wherever you download podcasts.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod
of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.